Written by Shelby-Liza Ndumbi
Happy New Years, Cupcakes!
Hell yeah, I’m back. It took a while, way too long, but I love writing on blacksugar and I worked hard to devise this website, so I have new Film Entries to draft, poetry, possibly publishing my short story here, photos and more.
The last time I was here, I talked about Dex Hamilton and The Doomsday Swarm. Not a very pleasant film, even for kids, since they managed to create an irritating character as the main protagonist and somehow have him ill-redeem himself. If he’s meant to be a nuisance, then run with the idea, rather than trying to convince me that he’s faultless. If an entertainment has everyone, but the protagonist, be a likable person then they’re doing something wrong. They’re manufactured this way for us to like them, only that wasn’t the case with Dex. He was antagonizing from start to finish...
But enough about him, his unbalanced obsession with bugs and the inability to apply the same amount of care into those he works with. We’re here to talk about Lord of the Rings: The War of Rohirrim. This came out last December, and I was excited to watch it after that trailer. The problem is that they made the teaser look good, but not the movie itself. In some strange way, the standards of the trailer didn’t fully reflect in the final cut.
I started this film back in December, and I finally finished it on Jan 7... It’s because the first 15 minutes alone made me exit.
It got 46% on Rotten Tomatoes. 6.4 on IMDB. Despite the amount of slight negativity I’ve seen before watching this, I still ventured through. I love animation regardless of how some mistreat the medium to look edgy, or with the times. I’m not here to solely bash the movie. I do have nice things to say, albeit there aren’t that many. According to ScreenRant, they have bigger hopes for War of Rohirrim to make a worth standing presence in the Lord of the Rings universe, then the upcoming Live-Action Hunt for Gollum movie. I’ll have to wait and see if I agree.
There will be spoilers for those who prefer the silence of the cold air
It takes place 183 years prior to The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings. The story follows Héra, the only daughter of the king of Rohan, Helm Hammerhand. She has no desire to bind herself to any man through marriage, wishing to remain wild and free for the rest of her days. A marital union to Wulf rather than to a Lord of Gondor would have seemingly kept things at bay; however, Helm knew that Lord Freca wouldn’t be satisfied with sharing the crown. He’d eventually kill Héra’s older brothers, Haleth and Hàma. That places her in a difficult position. But when the abrupt and, dare I say bizarre, death of Lord Freca during a brawl, the father of her childhood friend, Wulf, comes to pass, he vows revenge. Taking matters to a maximum level of rage. This forces Héra to be the last beacon of hope for her people kept hidden within the Hornburg stronghold.
•••
Okay, where to begin?
I thought I’d start with the animation and dialogue since they were the reasons why I left at the 15-minute mark in the first place. You can’t seriously believe that the way these characters moved around was actually human, can you? The majority of the time, it felt like body-snatchers mimicking how they think a human express bodily reaction. It was wonky, stiff, and unnatural. The blurring in some moments didn’t help, only to make the visuals look weird and smudged.
The scene where Lord Freca, the obvious poisonous dickhead, attempts to persuade Helm that Héra and Wulf should marry, he moves in the oddest fashion that I wasn’t convinced he knew how to be human. And when they would talk, dear God, it sounded like text-to-paper. There were these peculiar instances of silence, they took way too long to react, or respond to something being told to them for needless dramatics.
What the actual hell was that??
I didn’t really care for the narration because it felt unnecessary, regardless of a returning Miranda Otto, who played as Éowyn in the original trilogy. Rather than showing me that time flew by, they decided to tell me instead... during a 2hr14m film. More on this later.
I’ve come to notice that certain motion pictures, or tv series have a tendency to look pretty, but they lack all the substance that goes along with it to make it a success. The animation was gorgeous to look at in the trailer and some of the film itself, unfortunately, it wasn’t easy to ignore the weird errors. I’m not entirely sure, but I trust my gut when I suspect that some of their mouths didn’t link with the voice acting. I was like “Am I the one glitching?”
•••
And speaking of faulty wiring, I’ve rarely watched something where I didn’t care for the majority of the cast. Although Héra gave me another indication of a strong, independent woman, I feel like she gave me nothing else. I wished I saw more of what she thought, what she wanted out of life no matter how small in detail. Her constant need to remind everyone that she’ll unify herself with no man seemed to be her entire character. Somehow, I just didn’t give a damn...
I don’t want to tether myself to a man either, but I don’t behave like that.
Wulf thought that she enjoyed acting wholeheartedly towards the Dunlending boy by trying to prevent him from making a colossal mistake, war, while also diminishing his presence. Arrogance is the word he described the Hammerhand family lineage.
Wulf was too easily dismissed for reasons I feel I’ll never know. Sure, she doesn’t have to marry the guy despite the fact that he confessed to loving her, but I wanted a simple answer as to why she’s as snide as she is, especially to someone she continued to refer to as “the boy she knew as a child.” They were friends, regardless of the distain between Lord Freca and King Helm. It’s almost like she was trying to convince Wulf that they even had a friendship, yet I saw one scene displaying that claim. Wulf getting a scar by an overzealous girl.
She wasn’t the only one with an odd perception of their surroundings.
Wulf didn’t have to flame a war when all of this nonsense happened because of his father’s greed and bloodlust for gold. The fight between Helm and Freca felt orchestrated. I half expected it to be because of that side-glance he shot to his son. Freca could have been the real villain, and have Wulf realizing the animosity was going too far. For someone who constantly felt like his Dunlending blood was cause for hatred across the land did a very poor job proving them wrong. Freca was the only one who truly felt contempt in his heart. Wulf didn’t, at least not at the beginning. Although very minuscule, Wulf didn’t seem to fully like his father, worried for Héra if they were caught playing together. But I think it wasn’t enough to run with... I did call Freca an “obvious poisonous dickhead.” He was too evident of an antagonist, but his intentions at the start of the movie make sense given he wanted this, not necessarily Wulf. The son was being dragged until he seemingly took over.
Haleth wasn’t much to talk about. His character was nonexistent to the point that I forgot his ass was even here. If Héra didn’t mention his name, he didn’t matter. Lief, hmm, I didn’t care. The shieldmaiden Olwyn was fine, just fine. General Targg was a measly follower until he gained a braincell, then got cut. Lord Thorne was an ass-kisser. King Helm was hot-tempered, effortlessly taunted, miscalculating of Wulf’s elaborate planning, but a doting father. However, Helm was a little insensitive thinking that Héra would feel alive and content after marrying the Lord of Gondor knowing she’s in disagreement. Fréaláf Hildeson, the cousin, disappeared and reappeared when they saw fit. Héra may have not wanted the crown, but he ascended to the Rohan throne randomly to me.
Free a laugh, that’s what Fréaláf’s name sounds like. It’s accurate, all I did was laugh at how indecisive his character was...
On a positive note, Hàma and the Old Pennicruik were the only characters I liked. Hàma also fell flat, a little, yet his death got a reaction out of me like no other. His throat was slit, and the sound it made shattered my soul. He was a nice, calming presence to have onscreen. The Old Pennicruik was the wise woman keeping watch over Hornburg for years. When she was here, I liked when she talked in a spooky and foreboding tone. Her design closely resembles her voice actress Janine Duvitski. I recognized her face as Deidre Tibbs from Midsomer Murders’ “Death of a Hollow Man” episode, season one.
•••
And the soundtrack was brilliantly created to sincerely set the atmosphere. Prior to watching the movie, I’ve listened to the song The Rider by Paris Paloma, and it’s amazing. Soothing and connecting to Héra’s love for riding.
I wonder if War of Rohirrim hadn’t attached itself to an existing world of Middle-Earth that it could have been better with these improvements. The cameos of Billy Boyd and Dominic Monaghan from the Lord of the Rings trilogy as two orcs named Shank and Wrot just reminds you to watch the original instead.
And I almost forgot to mention, who thought it wise to have Saruman on screen for 15 seconds? It felt abrupt that I actually thought he wouldn't show up knowing the voice acting of Christopher Lee has been kept in the archives.
•••
I learned that the movie’s base concept was to showcase Héra’s choices away from the typical warrior woman we’ve come to oversee in entertainment media. But even with that in mind, her choices mostly put Wulf on the receiving end of a blade. Specifically hers. She swatted him away so skillfully, or with kind words to soften the blow. Lord Freca was the real problem, Wulf was unfortunately caught in the typhoon. The son isn’t necessarily the father. Just like the daughter isn’t the mother.
If he truly was her friend, then she could have tried harder to help him. I’m not saying she has to take responsibility for Wulf’s actions. I wanted her to take accountability for her own.
It’s a shame that what could have solidified Wulf and Héra’s friendship was to show more of it. After Freca’s premature death, Wulf went ghost. Héra said she went looking for him, yet I saw nothing. Showing would have been better than the narration. If romance wasn’t an option, then authentic friendship could have reeled him back. At least then it would demonstrate that someone sees him as more than an offspring of a ruthless Dunlending Lord. They demonized him, and he foolishly dawned the mask they forged for him.
It’s kind of hypocritical to label someone a friend, yet they don’t do much when they’re in distress. And hell, was Wulf in agony.
Despite all of this, I liked the movie, even with the highly anticipated closing credits. With an honest heart, I’m rating it a 7/10.
Thanks for reading!
Photos: Found on Google Images and edited on Canva, except for the top picture
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